Iyer Marriages - Rites & Rituals
Research & Documentation By P R Ramachander
Introduction
Marriage ceremonies and rituals, though based on the common
religious percepts are different for different castes in India
Marriage for a Hindu is not a contract but a sacrament or in
other words. a function dictated by religion aimed at elevating two individuals
in to a unified whole called the family. But going through the following , it
could be seen that all the prayers are chanted by the groom .All prayers are
aimed at purifying the bride and no where a need for purification of the groom
is mentioned.(One of the learned referees of this article has pointed out that
, performance of Vritha cleans the bridegroom). It could also be seen that
majority of the rituals are dictated by custom rather than by religion.
Marriage is one of the 40 samskaras (16 according to some), which every
individual has to undergo from the time of conception in the womb of the mother
till the individuals death. Samskara in Sanskrit means refining Marriage is one
of the important samskaras in an individual's life.
Every individual iyer knows that the iyer marriage is a very
complicated function. They would however be surprised to know that the part
dictated by Vedas in the marriage ceremony is extremely less. Most of the
manthras are very significant but some of them are extremely out dated. Some of
the out dated ceremonies are slowly being changed or left out by our
forefathers. We have to be really proud of that group of people who were tied
in orthodoxy of those times but willing to change once they realized that it is
not relevant. Apart from the Vedic rituals there are also puranic rituals,
which must have crept in with passage of time. This was possibly the reason why
the Indian Constitution tells that the stipulated marriage rites of a Hindu
community are those rites, which have been prevalent for the past 25 years.
There are also umpteen rituals in the iyer marriage, which has nothing to do
with Veda or puranas or even the religion. These are the loukika rituals.
Sumnagalis or married women whose husbands are alive take a leadership in
determining and carrying out these rituals.
Broadly in the iyer marriage the Vedic rituals are 1. Groom
asks for the girl from her father through intermediaries 2. Father of the bride
agrees 3. The father of the groom gives permission for the groom to marry 4.
The bride's father gives his daughter as a gift to the groom and then 5 .The
Groom marries the bride who is now his. But the rituals and steps are much more
than five The rituals and functions as was the practiced are: -
1.Vang Nischayam
2.Sumangali Prarthana
3.Pongi Podal at the aunt's house.
4.Yatra danam at the Grooms house.
5,Receiving of the Grooms party
6.Vara Praekshanam
7,Janu Vasam
8.Nischaathartham
9.Vritham for the groom and Kappu Kettal (Raksha) for the
bride
10.Sprinkling of Paligai
11.Para desi kolam and Kasi
Yatrai
12.Malai mattal or Exchange of garlands
13.Unchal and Pachai podi
14, Vara Poojai
15.Telling of Pravaram
16.Dharai Varthal or Kanya danam
17.Agni prathishtapanam
18.Madu Parkam and Vara pooja
19.Looking at the bride
20.Vivaha sankalpam, Kanya samskaram and Mangala snanam
21.Mangalya dharanam
22.Wearing of toe ring by the bride
23. Prayer while tying the string made of Dhurbha
24.Groom leading the bride in front of the fire.
25.Agni muhurtham
26.Panigrihanam
27.Saptha padhi
28.Parinayam and Pradhana homam
29.Asmarohanam, Laja Homam and Agni Pradakshinam
30.Removal of Dhurba tied around the bride
31.Jayadhi homam
32.Aseervadham and Phala Dhanam
33.Palum Pazhamum
34.Marriage feast (Lunch)
35.Nalangu
36.Journey towards husband's home
37.Griha pravesam
38.Pravesya Homam
39.Gandharva pooja
40.Prayer for getting good children,
41.Seeing of Arundhathi and Dhruva
42.Post marriage rituals
a. Sthali bhagam
b. Oupasanam
c. Sesha homam
d. Nandi sraddham
e.Kooshmanda Homam
f. Phala dhanam
g.Thamboola charvanam
h. Aseervadam.
1.Vaaang Nischayam (Loukika)
The families after examining the compatibility of the
couples both physical and mental and the longevity of their wedded life from
the horoscopes initiate the marriage negotiations. This consists of enquiring
about the background of the bride's and groom's families and a visit of the
groom and family to the bride's house. Once the groom and bride like each other
both families decide to perform the marriage. A simple ceremony which was
preceded by a Vigneswara pooja and exchange of Nalikera and Thamboola (Coconut,
betel leaf and arecanut) before elderly people of both families, by the brides
and grooms parents is called Vaang Nischaya, Later the reading of Lagna Patrika
(or a contract by both parents about the performance of the marriage) was added
to this simple function.
But this has now become a mini marriage ceremony, which is
celebrated in the groom's house. Apart from what is described in the last
paragraph, mutual garlanding of the groom by the bride and a big feast for large
number of invited guests etc form a part of this function.
2.Sumangali Prarthanai (Loukika)
This is a prayer by the groom's and bride's families to
those ladies of their family who have died as sumangalis. i.e. died before
their husbands. The blessings of these sumangalis are sought by inviting 5-8
Sumangalis for a special pooja and a traditional feast. Normally the married
daughters and sisters of the family are included in the list of invitees. All
Sumangalis come to the feast in a traditional attire of a nine-yard sari. Here
the Sumangalis invited represent the dead Sumangalis of the house and they are
first woshipped and fed. It is interesting to note that this is the only iyer
function in which women eat before men. Apart from Sumangalis a kanya is also
invited. There is lot of variation of this pooja, which almost differs from
family to family. No priest is called and no Sanskrit sloka is recited. It is a
custom in certain families to hold it after the marriage so that the daughter
or daughter-in -law participates as a Sumangali in this Pooja.
3.Pongi Podal (Loukika)
Female elders were extremely important in an iyer family
especially the father's sisters (aunt) and mother's brothers' wife (Mami).
Before the marriage these relations used to invite their nephew (or niece) for
a traditional feast in which Pongal Chadam (rice cooked with Dhal and
turmeric), which is the sign of prosperity, is prepared. Also all the dishes
that their nephew (or niece) likes are prepared. This is a sort of farewell
feast by these elders to the bride or groom who are going to form a family
themselves.
4.Yatra Danam (Puranic)
Iyer marriages always take place in the bride's place of
residence and so there is a need for the groom and his parents to travel to the
bride's place. So before starting a Vigneswara Pooja is performed and dana is
given to Brahmins to ward of evils. It is also customary to break a coconut
before the party departs to ward of evil eye.
5.Receiving of the grooms party (Loukika)
This is a very important function of yester years and used
to be done at the boundary of the village. The bride's parents receive the
groom and his family with coconuts and Nadaswaram and lead them to the place
where stay has been arranged. With the concept of village undergoing change,
nowadays the groom's party is taken to their place of stay and is received in
front of the mantap by the bride's parents and relatives. They are received
besides the usual coconut, flowers and Thamboola with two conical structures
called " Paruppu Thengai Kutti" made of dhal , jaggery and coconut.
This sort of reception with Kutti happens five times during the marriage
ritual. Though still called Paruppu (dhal) , Thengai (coconut) Kutti, these are
nowadays made of cashew nut or Laddu or Lozenges of various other sweets.
This Nadaswaram troupe continues to play till the marriage
ceremonies over in the mantap. Off and on, when important rituals take place,
the priest's signal for Getti melam, which means faster and louder playing of
the drum. This is supposed to prevent bad words or words of ill omen from being
heard at the marriage hall.
6.Vara Prekshanam or Kanya Varanam (Vedic)
This is a ceremony in which the groom sends learned Brahmins
as his emissaries to the groom's father and requests him to give his daughter
in marriage to him. The mantras recited are from Rig Veda. This consists of
several parts: -
a.Requests to the Brahmins to Go on his behalf
Hey Elders, You have decided to help me based on my request.
Please go with a contended heart to request a bride for me. You would be all
blessed by the devas who will get their share in the yagas to be performed by
my wife and me after marriage.
b.Prays for a safe passage to the elders
Let the path of these elders who are my friends be devoid of
stones and thorns. Let Aryama the deva unite the bride and me. Let the family
that we are going to build be holy and well joined. Let the path these elders
take be the shortest and straight one. Let the Deva Aryama help these elders in
their endeavor.
7.Janu Vasam (Loukika)
This is a very important function of the iyer marriage. In
the present day it consists of getting dressed in western clothes by the groom
at the nearby temple and from there coming to the mantap in a grand procession
to accept the bride. The bride's brother presents the dresses for the occasion
to the groom before the januvasam and arrangements are made to take them to a
predetermined temple. A special Pooja of the deity is also arranged It also is
an indirect exposure of the groom to the general public. If some body knows
some thing negative about him (like he is already married or he is a bad
character), they get a chance of telling it to the bride's father. The
procession nowadays is in a car preceded by a grand nadaswaram and some times
bursting of crackers. In the olden days the procession used to be even on
elephants.
. This procession also has some very interesting
implication. According to the Vedas, once upanayanam is over for a Brahmin boy,
he becomes a Brahma charin or one who walks in the way of Brhama.It was a time
for him to learn Vedas and other necessary knowledge. It was customary during
those times that he used to wear one white short cloth up to the knee, never
shave or have a hair cut, never wear a garland or scents, never wear sandal
paste and in fact lead a saintly life. Janu means knee and vasam is cloth. Janu
Vasam is really a procession in which the groom is brought to the bride's house
as a brahmachari. He was expected to wear only a cloth up to the knee. Ofcouse
now it is not like that.
8.Nischayathartham (Loukika)
This is an important item of the marriage ritual and is
normally held in the previous evening to the marriage and after the Janu
Vasam.This consists of a preliminary Ganapathi Pooja followed by honouring the
parents of the groom by the parents of the bride and vice versa and announcing
the final agreement by the bride's parents that they are willing to give their
daughter in marriage to this groom. The groom and his parents accept the proposal
. The groom's parents give her a silk sari during this time. She receives this
and changes whatever sari she wears with the new one. The groom's sister ties
in some families Thamboola in the end of this sari.Please note that the
proposal was initiated by the groom through the intermediary of the elders and
not by the bride's parents as is common now. This system must have changed from
Vedic times in the recent past. In this function elders from both families meet
each other and bless the groom and the bride for a happy future. There is also
a custom of giving articles for washing and make up as well as two dolls by the
groom's party to the bride during this occasion. It is called for Vilayadal or
playing. This is supposed to be given by the groom's sister. Sometimes along
with this she also presents a silk sari.
There is a tendency nowadays of holding the marriage
reception after this Nischayathatham.Under normal circumstances there seems to
be nothing wrong but many of the rituals reserved for the marriage like
Garlanding of each other and pani Grahanam take place then. Though some elders
frown at this tendency most of them accept it. But if the marriage does not
take place after this pani grahanam and Mala Dharanam, for some reason or
other, it will be really tragic as these are part of the Hindu marriage
ceremonies.
9.Vritham and Kappu Kettal. (Vedic)
As mentioned under Januvasam, the groom is still a
brhamacharin in the ascetic garb. He is unshaved, uncut and supposed to lead a
strict life as prescribed. His Guru when he was initiated in this life of
penance is his father. So it is essential that before he gets married he has to
take permission from his father (Guru) to end his Brhama Charya Vritha and
marry and lead a life of a Grihastha.This function is Vritham. This function
could also be performed in the groom's house before he departs to the bride's
house for marriage.
The bride's family lead by the maternal aunt of the bride
normally invites the groom with a pair of Paruppu Thengai Kutti.
During this time the groom's father makes him perform all
the samskaras like namakaranam, Choulam, Annaprasanam etc which for some reason
have not been performed and also make the groom do the duties as a brahmacharin
which he has not performed like Khanda rishi tharpanam, Prajapatyam, Saumyam,
Agneyam, Vaiswadevam etc and complete the samavarthana(life of a brhma charin).
It is necessary according to religious beliefs that he has gained expertise in
Vedas by this time.
Simultaneously a Raksha (Protection) in the form of a sacred
string is tied in the wrist of the bride after reciting Vedic manthras to
protect her from all evil spirits and also those Gandharvas, who were holding
charge of her till then.
There is a custom of giving oil for bath, green gram for oil
bath, sweets to eat after he takes a bath, to the groom before the Vritha by
the aunt (Athai) of the bride. Nowadays this has been enlarged to include a
shaving set, toilet articles like soap scent etc. Earlier days all these were
supposed to be given during the early morning of the marriage at the groom's
quarters with accompaniment of Nadaswaram etc. But nowadays, it is mostly
handed over to the groom's party the previous night.. This is a purely Loukika
custom.
10.Sprinkling of Paligai (Puranic)
Pali means row of trees and this ritual would have been
planting of trees by the groom's and bride's families for the upkeep and
happiness of the groom and the bride. In modern days, this consists of sowing
germinated seeds of nine kinds of pre-soaked cereals in 5 mud pots (layered
with green grass and bilva leaves) by married women (Sumangalis) relatives of
the groom and the bride. They first sow the germinated seeds and pour milk with
water over it. It is a custom nowadays to have five such pots for each side. Five
sumangalis (three from the groom's relatives and two from the bride's relatives
in case of the groom's side and three from the bride's relatives and two from
the bride's side in case of bride's side) sow the germinated grain and pray for
long happy married life for the couple as well as several children to brighten
their homes.
In Kerala ,these germinated plants in the mud pots are
supposed to be left in the river nearby after 4 days. There is an opinion from
a learned referee that , rather that the germinated seeds should be eaten as is
the custom in Karnataka . But during modern times, this is rarely done and
nobody bothers about the germinated seeds.
11.Para Desi Kolam and Kasi
Yathrai (Loukika)
After the Vritham in the olden days the groom used to have a
haircut and a bath. This is in memory of those times when he used to grow hair
during the time when he was a brhmachari. Slowly this custom vanished. Nowdays
after the Vritham the groom wears for the first time in his life the 8 yards
Dhoti called Soman in the Pancha Kacham (which incidentally means big Veshti
one part of which goes in between the legs) fashion. He also wears an
Uttariyam.It is normal for him to carry a fan, an umbrella, a bamboo fan, a
grantham (any book nowadays), wear new slippers and also a small bundle .He
wears (collyrium) Kan Mai, garland and sees himself for the first time in the
mirror after the poonal. He also wears double poonal (sacred string) indicating
the fact that he is ready to become a grihastha.
He usually walks away from the marriage Pandal and is
stopped by the father of the bride .The groom informs the bride's father that
he is going to Kasi. (Which indicates that he is still learning and is going
further to learn). The bride's father first tells them that he is already an
accocmplished Vedic Scholar and requests him to stop his travel for learning
and offers him a coconut and offers his daughter in marriage to him and
requests him to come back and become a grihastha. The groom accepts this
request.
This is not a Vedic ritual as no manthras are uttered.
Another important indication is that the negotiation is between the groom and
the bride's father again indicating that the arranged marriage of those days
was arranged by the groom with the bride's parents.
12.Malai Mattal (Loukika)
In the olden days the groom used to go inside the mantap and
come out later for the malai mattal. But nowadays he is received by the bride
at the entrance of the mantap. Normally the maternal uncles of the groom carry
him in a cradle to the mantap. Though in marriages this still takes place, in
many cases, the maternal uncle simply accompanies the groom. The bedecked bride
waits at the entrance of the mantap to receive the groom. Both the groom and
bride apart from the normal garland wear 3 sets of garland(called Mattu Malai),
which is not in the usual form but in the form of "U" put around the
neck. At the entrance the bride is lifted up by her maternal uncles and the
groom by his maternal uncles and one after another the garlands are exchanged. Lot of mirth and fun takes place during this ritual. When
the bride tries to garland the groom either he is moved away or lifted too much
high so that she will find it difficult to garland him. The bride's party also
tries to move the bride in critical time so that the groom has to virtually
chase the bride to garland her. The women relatives sing various songs in the
background.
13.Unchal and Pachai podi (Loukika)
This is another very interesting ritual, which is not Vedic
and entirely managed by women relatives. This is also called Kannujal.The silk
Sari to be worn by the bride during this occasion was supposed to be purchased
by her maternal uncle. The bride keeps her fingers folded in to the palm in a
conical form and the groom holds her hand (It is interesting to note that the
Pani Grihanam which means holding of hand, which is a Vedic ritual takes place
much later after the oonchal. Hence some elders feel that Oonchal ceremony
should not be held at this time). The groom leads the bride in front of the
Oonchal (A swing) and they stand together facing east, Then the mother of the
bride, mother of the groom, paternal aunts of the bride and the groom and one
of the uncles wife's or maternal aunts (altogether five people in some families
seven people) one by one sprinkle milk on the feet of the groom and bride
(symbolizing washing their feet with milk) and wipe their feet with the edges
of their silk sari. After this function the groom and bride are asked to sit in
the swing, ( It is told that the bride's feet should not touch the ground and
only the groom's feet should touch the ground while sitting in the swing,
symbolizing that He is the controller of the family) the same relatives then
wave colured rice balls (normally coloured red but in some cases coloured
yellow and red) all round them in a circular motion and throw them in different
directions. This is a ceremony meant to ward off evil from the groom and bride.
After this the same relatives give a mixture of sugar, milk and banana to the bride
and groom. Once this is over the bride's paternal aunt walks round the swing
with a lamp kept on a plate and lit on cooked rice, fed by ghee and with five
wicks kept on a brass plate called Thambala .She is followed by the bride's
mother, grooms mother, grooms paternal aunt, brides or grooms uncle's wife
alternatively carrying a pot of water and a lit lamp normally kept in a vessel.
(So that wind does not put it off). While all these is going on the women
invitees sing mellifluous tunes composed by several poets for the occasion.
Most of them remind of the puranic marriages of either Vishnu or Shiva. Once
the function is over a pot of water is handed over to the groom and bride so
that they can wash their feet. The priest waves a coconut round the bride and
groom and breaks the coconut.
14. Vara Poojai and initiation of the ceremony(Vedic)
The Vedic ceremony of marriage only starts at this juncture.
After the Oonchal the bride and the groom are taken to the Mantap and the Vedic
rituals start. First the bride's father welcomes the groom and washes his feet
with water. The groom then starts the vivaha rituals with the permission of the
learned Brahmins. He first prays the Brahmins to permit him to start the Vedic
rituals. The Brahmins permit him to do so. He then performs the Vigneswara
pooja and prays God to help him complete the rituals without any problem.
15.Telling of Pravaram (Vedic)
This is really an announcement about whom the bride is going
to wed and whom the groom is to the people who have gathered there. The gothra
to which the bride belongs, name of her paternal great grand father, her
paternal grand father and her father are repeated in a sonorous loud tones by
one priest. They ask the bride's father whether he agrees to protect the dharma
of his family. He agrees. Then another priest similarly introduces the
bridegroom by telling his Gothra, names of his paternal great grand father,
paternal grand father and father. The groom Okays the information given and
agrees for the marriage ceremonies. This is repeated thrice. Possibly this is a
ritual to give a chance to the audience to tell any thing negative about the
information repeated. This was necessary as the groom is a traveler in search
of knowledge approaching the bride's father in a different village.
16.Kanya Dhanam or giving away the bride (Vedic)
The Hindus consider gifting of their daughter to a suitable
groom as a very holy deed. In fact it is supposed to be superior to many other
holy deeds like giving alms, giving food etc. In the beginning of this ritual
the bride would be sitting facing east on a bundle made of paddy stalks and
holds in her hand a coconut. She also holds a small gold coin called Pudu
panam. (But nowadays, she sits on the lap of her father.).Her father should
stand facing north with the brides mother on his right side. The groom stands
facing the west.. The father of the bride holds the Thamboola (Betel leaf and
areca nut) in his palms and the bride should place her palms holding coconut on
her father's palms. The groom should join his palms and get prepared to receive
the bride's palm holding coconut from her father. While her palms are being
transferred, the bride's mother should keep on pouring water over her
daughter's hand, which should made to fall on the ground (This is called Dhara
in Sanskrit. In Tamil this ceremony is called Dharai Varthu Kodukkal). Gently
the bride's palms are transferred to the groom's hand. This ritual symbolizes
the transfer of ownership of the bride to the groom (Note: They are still not married
and the ritual of the marriage would be performed by the groom. It is obvious
that the Hindus thought that the daughter is owned by her father till than and
will be owned by the groom later.)
While transferring the bride her father should tell the following
prayer: -
a. I am giving to you as a gift, my ever playful gold like
daughter who came to my house to give redemption to my ancestors and who would
make me reach the heavens in future, bedecked in gold to you, who is the
personification of Vishnu.
b. I am giving her to you so that you can get children
through her and do all your prescribed religious duties.
The groom replies: -
I accept her by the grace of Sun who made this world with my
hands protected by the Aswini Devas with he permission of the Sun God.
It is considered normal for the bride's parents to cry after
this ceremony. This is because the transfer of ownership of the bride is
complete.
17.Agni prathisthapam (Vedic)
This means raising of fire. Fire has been the basis of
modern life. For centuries the only method of raising the fire was by churning
wood.(since there was no match box).Due to it being extremely essential in day
to day life, a married man was supposed to maintain fire perennially in his
house with the help of his wife. This is a Oupasana .He daily remove the ashes
surrounding the fire worships the fire and maintains it. During this holy
ritual a new fire is supposed to be raised by the groom with the help of the
priest .He is supposed to take a part of this fire and maintain it in his home
for life.
18.Madhu Parkam and Vara Pooja (Vedic)
Once the bride's father gives away his daughter to the groom
and he accepts her, the bride's father becomes happy and again does honours to
the groom by washing his feet and then offering him a mixture of honey and curd
called Madhu Parkam.He also is supposed to give him a cow (the basis of a happy
home in earlier times. In fact wealth was counted by the number of cows one
has). Nowadays cow is substituted by token presents.
While the bride's father washes his feet, the groom prays,
" Let this water poured over my feet destroy my enemies and take care of
my family.
The bride's father then tells the groom" You who are
the personification of Maha Vishnu, please take your seat and accept all these
good things that I give you"
After this the mixture of curds, honey and ghee is given to
the groom. In some families they also add popped rice and fried rice flour. The
groom tells the following prayers: -
"Hey, God of Knowledge, who is responsible for the
gleam in people in general and the lustrous strength of Brahmins, Hey Vedas who
add luster to the God of Knowledge, Hey Vedas who are themselves the strength
of all, I pray you to make all people love me like this, please make me own
several herds of cattle."
Hey Madhu Parka, which has come to me, please give me
luster, fame and milk like qualities. Let all people love me. Please give me
cattle wealth.
19.Looking at the bride (Vedic)
This is a ritual, which symbolizes, announcing to everybody
his intention of marrying the maid who has been given to him. He looks at her
part by part and talks to her and requests her to become a part of his family.
First he prays to the Gods thus:-
"Hey, Varuna, Let not anything bad befall on the sibs
of my bride. Hey, Brahaspathi, please remove all bad physical and mental
qualities in her that would bring bad luck to her husband. Hey, Indra please
remove all the physical barriers in her that would prevent birth of children
and also equip her with good qualities so that she can bring up the children
properly. Oh, All Gods, please shower her with all good qualities."
20.Vivaha sankalpam, Kanya samskaram and Mangala snanam
(Vedic)
a. Kanya Samskaranam
This means refining of the bride or civilizing the bride.
The marriage rituals really start from this point only. The groom realizes that
his marrying the bride and taking her away would make her parents sad. He feels
that they should not become sad and tells them: -
"Though the bride has been brought up with love and
care, it is not proper for you to shed tears at this time. She is full of life
and is going to lead a happy life. Instead of this you all should be happy
because me and this girl are going to lead a life full of love Also this act of
giving the bride is going to repay your debts to your ancestors. Shedding tears
now will displease them."
Then he addresses the maid he has chosen to marry and tells
her what he expects of her and also refines her and removes all that is bad in
her by a prayer: -
"Hey maid, Please be the one who is not giving a harsh
stares at the husband. Please be kind to my brothers. Please always go in the
most proper way and please always keep your body clean.
I will be praying for long life for all the children, which
you will beget for me. Since this requires the worship of the devas, you should
also have a desire to worship them. I also beseech you to be always good to all
my family members and the animals like the cows and horses owned by the
family."
After this the groom takes a dharbha grass and gently moves
it over the eyelids of the bride and throws the dharbha behind her reciting a
mantra praying the devas once again to make her behavior kind towards him.
b. Mangala Snanam and Vivaha sankalpam
This means holy bath and marriage preparations. This is done
in a few steps. They are: -
1.Prayer to the Brahmins to bring water that is holy for
giving bath to the bride.
Normally this holy water is brought by even number of
learned Brahmins (normally 2 or 4). The groom prays to them: -
"There are lots of sins that are transferred to the
water. Hey, Brahmins bring that holy water which has not been spoiled by death
and that water which will not destroy her children in her womb and that water
which is devoid of any bad effects."
2.Prayer when keeping the dharbha ring on the head of the
girl.
The groom then keeps a thick ring (normally meant for
keeping the mud pots stable) on the head of the girl and recites the following
prayer. He also prays his relatives to surround him and the bride.
"Hey, Deva called Aryama, like the stand made of
dharbha kept on the head of this maid is round, with your blessings let er and
my brothers and mother surround this fire and witness these ceremonies. Her
relatives and mine also should surround this fire and will witness the marriage
between us and pray for our welfare. Let their prayer be granted by your
grace."
3.Prayer when keeping the yoke on the ring.
Then the groom keeps a model of a yoke (meant to tie two
bullocks) on the Dharbha ring and recites the following prayer. He reminds
Indra of the way he cured a girl called Abala (Abala literally means
"strength less". In fact in Sanskrit all girls are called Abalas)
"Hey Indra, In he same way as all the bodily defects of
Abala disappeared and she became similar to the sun, please remove all the
bodily defects of this girl and make her shine like Surya."
(Abala was a girl who had leucoderma and was cured by
pulling her through the hole in the yoke used to tie the horses in Indra's
chariot, three times)
4.Prayer when keeping gold in the hole in the yoke
(Normally the hole in the stick is covered with the mangalya
made of gold and kept on the head of the bride.)
The groom prays "Hey maid, let this stick covered with
gold and the holy waters brought by the Brahmins wash of all the defects in you
which would bring bad effects on me and which are not visible .Let it thus
bring good to you. Let these unite your body with mine later when we love each
other."
5.Prayer for performing holy bath to the bride.
This consists of 5 prayers by the groom. They are: -
a. These waters shine like gold, and have an unblemished
luster. This water itself is pure and is capable of purifying others .Let these
waters remove all the blemishes in this maid. Was it not in these waters in
which several hundreds of holy theerthas (Holy river waters) are present? Let
the God of all, use this water and make you pure.
b. This water in which was born Lord Surya, this water in
which was born the fire, this water which is as blemish less as gold and this
water which purifies all others, let it , Oh maid, remove all your sorrows, and
let it also give you eternal pleasure.
c. These waters in which God Varuna remains in the middle
and watches all the good and bad one does, these waters that wear fire in the
middle and these waters of purest colour, let it give all the pleasures of this
world to you, Oh, Maid.
d. These waters which gods drink from the sky, these waters
which exist in the sky in various shapes, these waters which have raging fire
in the middle should give you pleasure both of this world and the world
thereafter., oh, maid
e. Oh maid, who is going to marry me now, let these waters
see you with its welfare giving eyes, let it with its holy body touch your skin
and let these waters which give rise to the innate principle of the ghee, give
you all the pleasures of this world.
6.Prayer while giving new clothes to be worn by the bride.
The bride till this point wears the cloths normally worn by
unmarried women, (Sari), Now the groom gives her a new cloth which should be
worn by her in future.
The groom prays while giving new clothes to the bride:-
"Similar to the fact that this maid is surrounded by
the new clothes on all her sides, Let You , Indra , who worship elders who do
service to God, be attracted by my prayer and be kind enough to give all that
is good to this maid."
With this prayer the groom hands over to the bride a nine
yards sari, which is called Koorai Pudavai.( Till recently it was a custom for
the groom's parents to pay for the Koorai Pudavai.It was invariably in the
colour of Lac. But nowadays the bride's family purchases Koorai Pudavai). The
sister and lady relatives of the groom dress the bride in this new cloth.
Possibly this is the last chance for them to examine the bride in secret and
find out whether she has any defects.. Koorai in Tamil means roof and this name
must have been taken from this sloka, where the cloth is supposed to cover her
allover One author feels that it must have come from the word "Kroora"
which means "cruel" Possibly it hides her from the cruel looks of
other males by bringing her under the protection of marriage.
21.Mangalya Dharanam (Puranic)
Mangalya means that which gives good things and Dharanam
means "wearing". The bride has to wear two mangalyas one given by her
father and another by the groom's father.The shape and content of Mangalya
varies from family to family. Normally before marriage the gold for making
mangalya is melted on an auspicious day by the gold smith. Lot
of importance is given in the present day to the Mangalya. Before being tied it
is circulated among the audience for their blessing and good wishes. This
mangalya is a piece of gold in which is inscribed Shiva Linga or Shiva Linga as
embossed on a Thulasi madam or Goddess Meenakshi depending on the custom of the
bridegroom's family. The groom ties the mangalya arranged on a yellow string
round the neck of the girl only the first knot is put by him and two more knots
are put by his sister. (The groom's sister is normally given a suitable present
for tying the two knots). The bride is normally sits facing east and sits on a
bundle of grain-laden hay. The groom recites the following prayer while tying
the Mangalya: -
:"This string is holy and giver of good things in life.
It also is going to elevate my life. Hey, beautiful maiden, I am tying this
around your neck and pray that you would live for hundred years."
It is important to note that this prayer is in modern
Sanskrit and is not taken from Veda, It also is important to note that this
ritual is not prescribed by the Vedas. Possibly this custom originated in later
years. But as of today, according to general people, it is one of the very
important functions of marriage. After the mangalya Dharanam is over, the
elders shower flowers and yellow coloured rice on the groom and bride. It is
also common nowadays to congratulate the bride's parents and groom's parents
after this ritual. A sweet sherbhat (sweet scented water) is served to all the
people in the mantap once this ritual is over. But really the marriage ritual
is has just begun and is far from being over.
22.Wearing of toe ring by the bride (Puranic)
This is yet another ritual which has no Vedic mantras. The
toe ring (3 in number for each leg) is worn to the bride by the sister of the
groom. .In Ramayana when Rama asks Lakshmana to identify the ornaments of
Seetha , he identifies only the Noopura which is worn in the ankles. He tells
Rama that the only part of Seetha he has seen is her feet. Though Noopura
denotes anklets, some authorities identify it as toe ring and claim that this
was an ancient ritual.Possibly this was worn to identify a married woman in
ancient times.
23. Prayer while tying the string made of Dharbha (Vedic)
The next ritual is tying a rope made of Dharbha grass around
the hip of the bride by the groom. He does this by reciting the following
prayer: -
Oh fire God, please give a stable and composed mind to this
maid, who is going to join me in worshipping you. Let her not get perturbed by
anything from now onwards; let her beget lot of children, wealth, grains and
house. Let her also get a lustrous pretty body. For getting all these I am
tying her with this rope made of dharbha.
24.Groom leading the bride in front of the fire.(Vedic)
The groom then leads the bride by catching her right hand to
the mat spread in front of the fire facing east. The bride should sit on
southern side and the groom on the northern side of the mat.
"Let God Poosha hold your hand and take you near the
fire. After performing the sacrifices in the fire let the Aswini Devas (Doctors
of Gods) permit you to come to my house in a cart. If you come after taking
permission from them, my family and me will lead a healthy life. After coming
to my house. you would become the queen (boss) of my house. And then you should
encourage me to do several religious fire sacrifices."
According to Vedic rites this is the first time when the
groom holds the hand of the bride. Nowadays this is the second time, the first
being while he leads her to Oonchal (swing). According to some people, this
sloka also indicates that the groom and bride are supposed to live in their own
house and not with the family of groom's parents. It is not clear when the
joint family concept came in to India
25.Agni Muhoortham or holy fire ritual. (Vedic)
After doing Namaskaras to the fire The groom recites the
following prayers:-
You (the bride) was had by Soma (the moon) in the beginning
.The Gandharva had you after wards from him. Then the Gandharva gave you to
fire. That fire is now giving you to me along with wealth.
The God Soma liked this maid first. Then she was with
Gandharva and later the God of fire liked her. After being had by all these
gods, I am the first human being to have her. So because Soma, Gandharva and
Agni (god of fire) have already given her wealth and capacity to have children,
me and this maid will have all the good fortunes in this world.
Naturally this is prayer is not well understood. Possibly it
indicates that she was innocent like a baby (moon) attractive as a maiden
(gandharva) and enticing and sensual as fire (agni). Some authorities are of
the opinion that these slokas indicate that the Vedas did not approve pre
puberty marriages. Though the Sanskrit words indicate that she was married by moon,
gandharva and Agni in turn, some people interpret the word as "looked
after" not "married"
26.Pani Grihanam (Vedic)
Literally this means "holding of hands. Because this is
the first most important Vedic ritual, scholars believe that this should be done
during the auspicious time. Normally the bride folds fingers her right hand
fingers into a conical form upwards and the groom holds it in his hand folded
downwards by surrounding all her fingers.( One authority says that " If he
holds her hand leaving her thumb then they both will have only female children
and if he holds only her thumb leaving out the fingers , then they will have
only male children).The following prayers are recited by the groom:-
Hey maid, I am holding your hand so that you will have
several good children and live happily with me till ripe old age. The God
Aryama has given you to me to lead the life of a householder.
The gods Bhaga and Agni were leading this life before me
with you and have now given you to me for the purpose of raising my family.
Hey Goddess Saraswathi, you are blessed with all the luck,
riches and food and so we who have held our hands today, hope to get riches and
pleasures by your blessing. I announce this loudly in front of all so that you
will definitely bless me.
Hey Maid, Let Vayu (god of wind) who has the capacity to
travel in all directions, who keeps a gold coin in his hand to give to those
who pray him and who is the friend of fire God (Agni) who has the capacity to
purify everything as well as the capacity to make raw food eatable, enter your
mind and make you love me for every minute of our future lives.
27.Saptha Padhi (Vedic)
Literally this means the "seven steps". Courts in India
First Step:
Let God MahaVishnu who is spread through out the world, Give
you food in plenty
Second step:
Let Him come with you for a second step and give you
sufficient strength
Third step:
Let Him come with you for a third step to make you observe
all religious rituals.
Fourth step:
Let Him come along with you for the fourth step to give you
pleasures
Fifth step:
Let Him be with you when you take the fifth step to give you
lot of wealth (cow)
Sixth step:
Let Him lead you the six stages of life with happiness and
welfare
Seventh step:
Let him help you in performing Soma Yaga and other prayers
when you take the seventh step
The following requests are to be recited by the groom to the
bride after she takes the seven steps:-
"You who has taken the seven steps with me should
become my friend.
We who have taken the seven steps together would live as
friends.
I should get your friendship, Oh maid.
Oh maid, I should never get parted from your friendship.
We who have attained each other, should get lustrous health,
serenity, peaceful mind, and should enjoy together the food and all other
tastes.
We would plan all things that are to be done in future together.
Let us both make our two minds in to one.
Let us enjoy together all the physical and mental pleasures
together from now onwards.
Let us do all religious observations together."
Then again the groom tells the bride:-
"You are the Rig Veda and I am the Sama Veda
I am the Sama Veda and you are the Rig Veda (recited twice
for emphasis)
Like these two Vedas we should never separate from each
other. We also will not get separated.
I am the world Dyu and you are the earth (dyu is the world
above. This indicates that she is below him and should obey his wishes).
I am the material called Shukla (semen) and you are the
wearer of this in your womb.
I am the mind and you are the word
I am Sama Veda and you are the Rig Veda
I am telling this because I have lot of care for you.
Please bear me male children in future,
Hey Maid come with me."
Once the prayer and the grooms request is recited the bride
becomes groom's wife and joins his family (Gothra)
28.Parinayam and Pradhana Homam (Vedic)
The wife and husband now circle the fire and are seated in
front of the fire. The wife sits on the south side and the husband sits on the
north side. The wife keeps touching the husband while he does the following 16
Ahuthis (pouring of Ghee in to the fire) with the following Manthras: -
1,2,3. This offering is poured for soma who had this maid.
This offering is poured for the Gandhrava who had this maid. This offering is
poured for the Agni (fire God) who had this maid.
4.This maid has come out from her father's family where she
was a maid and joined my family. I am pouring this offering so that she is
excused for the sins she has committed as a maid.
5.Hey Indra, who grants all desires. Please free this maid
from her father's family' Please tie her strongly to my family .She is future
should develop attachments to my family only. Please make her a part of my
family and make her bear male children to me, through her.
Hey Indra , who grants all desires .Please remove the
attachment this girl has to her father's family. Please make her affectionate
to my family. Let riches, grains, cows and good luck increase in my family.
6.Hey Indra, who grants all desires, Please make this maid
have good sons and make her fortunate. I should beget ten sons out of her and I
should become her eleventh son.
7.Agni, who is an important deva, should come here. He
should prevent infant death to all her children. To ensure that she will not
shed tears because of the early death of her children, God Varuna should agree
with Agni to prevent the children's death. For this purpose I make this
offering in the fire.
8.Let Agni save this maid from all future troubles. He
should give long life to all her children. If her organs are not strong enough
to bear a child , he should cure this and help her get children. He should give
her the happiness of cuddling her children in her lap in the early morning.
9.Hey bride, there should not be any more crying in your
house in future. Let all those demons that cause unhappiness desert you. Let
those demons that enter the homes and terrorize women should not come to her
house. The Gods should prevent you from beating your chest with disheveled
hair. I am pouring this offering to help you do all these.
10.Let your behind be protected by the God of Sky; Let your
thighs be protected by Vayu; Let your breasts be protected by Aswini devas; Let
your sons be protected by Savitha and till you wear clothes; Let you be
protected by Brihaspathi.
11.I am giving this offering in the fire so that all the
causes which stand against the birth of a son and those which cause the death
of a sin in you are removed from you. Like the wilted flowers that you wore on
your head was removed and thrown,, Let God remove all such defects in you and
transfer them to your enemies.
12.Oh Varuna, please hear this prayer and give me all
pleasures just now. As soon as I ask you should give me pleasures. I want to be
saved by you only and hence I am praying you,
13.I am reciting this Vedic prayers and surrender to you so
that I can save myself. People who do this worship are doing so to save
themselves. Hey Varuna, you should help me complete this task, which I have
taken up. So please do not rob allotted years from my life.
14.Hey Agni, Help me by reducing the anger of Varuna towards
both of us. You who is the greatest among those who are worshipped, you who
takes the offering given by us to devas gently and who shines with luster
should remove from us all those hateful qualities.
15.Hey Agni, You who are the greatest among all those devas
who are worshipped and is the cause of existence of the devas, should save us
when it is the dawn and also during daytime. You should be very near us always
.You please prevent Varuna from coming to us and troubling us. You who give us
all pleasures should consume the offerings given by us. Please come when we
call you. And also help us to become happy when we call you.
16.Hey Agni, you are suitable of devotees attaining you and
also you attain the devotees directly. And because of that you are suitable for
attaining by mind .Hey Agni, because you can be easily attained by devotees, I
am meditating on you using my mind and beg to get your blessings.
Hey Agni, you who can be easily attained by devotees should
receive from us the offering to different devas and give it to the concerned
devas. Also please give us the capacity to demit our sins.
29.Asmarohanam, Lajahomam and Agni Pradakshinam (Vedic)
This is a combined ritual First the husband and wife circle
the fire and reach near a stone kept at the north side. The husband holds the
thumb of the right leg of the wife by his left hand and places it on a stone.
Both of them go near the fire and take their seat. The husband then helps his
wife to offer the handful (both palms of the wife are held together .Her
brother also takes two hand full of popped rice) of popped rice along with
small quantity of ghee given to his wife by her brother to the Agni (fire).Then
they circle the fire and repeat this ritual thrice. Though not mentioned in the
Vedas, it is a common practice for the husband to give a suitable present to
his wife's brother for helping them in this ritual. Normally this should be
equal in value to the present given by the bride's family to the groom's sister
during Mangalya dharanam for tying the two knots.
The prayer to be recited by the husband while placing the
leg of his wife on the stone: -
"Hey bride, please climb on this stone. You should
become as stable as the stone in your mind. When some body wages a war at you,
you should be boldly oppose them and insult the enemies."
The prayer while putting popped rice in to the fire for the
first time: -
"This lady is praying a long life of hundred years for
her husband. Please fulfill her desires."
The prayers while circling the fire for the first time: -
1-3.Hey Agni, When the world began, you were given the
daughter of Surya (sun god) along with wealth for marriage. Now please give
this wife to me so that we can beget children.
Hey Agni, since you have married the daughter of Surya, all
the girls in this world are in your custody. So for begetting children, I pray
you to bless me by giving a blemish less wife.
4.Hey Agni, please give me a wife who is very attractive and
with long life.
5.Hey Agni , bless us to cross like water all problems in
our life .
Then he should keep the leg of his wife on the stone second
time with the same prayer as of the first time.
The prayer while putting popped rice in to the fire for the
second time:-
Maids worship the God Agni , because he is easily pleased
and gives them their desires. Oh Agni, she prays you to remove her bonds with
her parent's house and also at no time remove her bonds from my house. Hey
Agni, performing this offering of popped rice has benefited several maidens.
Please accept her offering and fulfill her prayer.
Then they circle the fire and step on the stone once more
and make the offering of popped rice for the third time.
The prayer while putting popped rice in to the fire for the
third time is: -
"Hey Agni, you have been always in charge of food and
the maidens, who are the path of heaven. And because of that you give maidens
to us. Please make us both of the same mind and opinion. For this I am pouring
ghee into you similar to the water being given to the tree.
Hey , Agni, the portals of heavens through fire sacrifices
are not open to those who do not have a wife. You are the giver of the maidens
to us. Please make us both of the same mind and opinion. For this I am pouring
ghee into you similar to the water being given to the tree."
30. Removal of the Dharbha string from the wife.(Vedic)
The husband recites the following prayers and then unties
the dharbha string he has tied earlier...
1. I free from the rope tied by Lord Parameshwara who ties
this rope of Varuna for all the good-minded beings, I give you the position of
pleasure with me to you in the world of Brahma.
2. I free you form the string of Varuna tied by the Lord
Parameshwara who gives blessings to his devotees. You can live with me in
Brahma loka where the blessed go and be with me without the fear of the rope of
Varuna.
31.Jayadhi Homam (Vedic)
This homa is performed at the end of the main Homa for
successful completion of the function and for a prosperous living. It is not a
specific marriage ritual but is performed as a prayer on similar occasions.
These prayers and fire sacrifice was done by Indra when he
went to war with Asuras as taught by his teacher Brihaspathi. It consists of 13
prayers. This is followed by 18 prayers with offering in the fire to the devas
and ancestors which are meant to increase knowledge and Brahminical sathvic
qualities. This is followed by 12 prayers, which are for the benefit of the
country we live. Another three prayers called Vyahrithi homa, Swishtakrith homa
and Prajapathi homa follow these.
After a total of 48 offerings to the fire, the fire from the
Homa is preserved in a new mud pot and is taken by the wife to the Pravesya
homa which takes place in the husbands home. She is also supposed to keep and
guard this fire carefully all her life.
32.Aseervadam and Phala Dhanam(Puranic)
This means literally blessing. The groom spreads his
Uttariya over his shoulders and his wife stands by his side. Than the elders
and learned people in the gathering throw Akshathai (meaning that which never
ends but in reality rice coloured by turmeric) at the couple with Vedic prayers
to the almighty to give him all that is good in life. They pray for his and his
wife's betterment. A pair of paruppu Thengai Kutti is used at this occasion
also. Once this is over, , then the husband and wife do namaskarams to their
grand parents, parents, uncles , aunts and also to each of the elders present
and get their blessing. Each of them put the Akshathai thrown at them and
collected from the groom's Uttariya on their heads. Nowadays, possibly due to lack
of time all the elders stand together and the couple are only asked to do one
namaskaram.
Once this ritual is over the husband and wife are ready to
accept gifts from all their relatives and friends. The first to give presents
are always the bride's parents. This always includes a silk sari from the
bride's parents and a Veshti for the groom. The bride's and groom's paternal
aunts and maternal uncles follow them. Then the other relations and friends
give their presents. Each present in the olden days used to be given with a
mantra in the form of blessing and used to be always termed as "Ayiram
Kodi Gatti Varahan". This means billions of solid gold coins. Once the
presentation ceremony is over the husband and wife return the presents to their
paternal aunts. Normally it is slightly more in value than the presents given
by the aunts. Only Thamboola is given back to the maternal uncles.
Phala Dhanam or giving of cash presents to all the guests
used to take place after the Aseervadam. Normally this used to be a quarter of
a rupee and used to be given by the brides family. But as on today this has
been discontinued and cash gifts are now given in some marriages only to the
near and dear of the groom.
After this an Arathi is taken. This consists of water in
which turmeric and lime is mixed, waved in a circular fashion by one female
representative of the groom's side and the other from the brides side, along
with a suitable song. The groom puts two coins as gift to these relatives. This
in reality should bring to an end the pre-lunch rituals of the marriage. But
nowadays the rest of the Vedic rituals, which are supposed to be carried out in
the groom's house, also are compressed and carried out before lunch.
33.Palum Pazhamum (Loukika)
Then the wife and husband visit first the husband's house
and then the wife's house .In these houses the female relatives gather and give
the husband and wife a spoon each of banana pieces put in milk. Since the
husband's house is normally in some other town, the husband and wife are
nowadays taken to the place allotted to the groom's party and the husband's
relatives give Palum pazhamum there.
34.Lunch (Loukika)
The lunch normally prepared on the marriage day is a very
grand one with umpteen courses. The wife along with her relatives invites the
groom and his family for the lunch with a pair of Paruppu Thengai
Kutti.Normally a special area is reserved for the lunch of the groom's
relatives. In the olden days before each banana leaf of the groom's family
guests , they used to keep a lit lamp. The husband and wife sit together for
their lunch side by side. Lot of mirth and fun
is derived by all concerned when the newly married couples are asked to
exchange their half eaten food or when they try to feed each other. This is
possibly to make them loose their inhibitions and make them realize that they
have some very special rights.
35.Nalangu (Loukika)
This is another ritual of teasing the husband and wife and
makes them to get much nearer. The wife along with her friends goes to the husband
and invites him for Nalangu.She has to sing a Pathiyam for inviting him (The
word must have derived from Padyam which means poem) He agrees and come with
all his relatives mainly female and the reply from him is again given in the
form of a pathiyam sung by one of his female relatives on his behalf. The groom
and his relatives sit on one side and the wife and her relatives sit on the
opposite side. The wife stands and then applies Nalangu (a mixture of Oil and
Kumkum) on the feet of her husband .She then puts a sandalwood and Kumkum on
his forehead. Then she combs him and breaks a chutta appalam (disc like
eatable) and puts it over his head. Then she holds a mirror for him to see
himself. After this all these rites are performed by the husband to the wife
but he would be sitting down.
Once this is over the husband takes a coconut and gently
rolls it towards his wife. In olden days the couple used to get a brass coconut
from the bride's father as a present. She catches it and rolls it towards him
in return. While all these are going on the relatives gathered round sing
melodious songs. In the olden days there were two types of songs called
Pathiyam (in praise of the groom or bride or description of mythical marriages)
and Yesal (gentle reminder of the deficiencies of the husband and wife). There
were instances when this has lead to a quarrel. They composed most of these
compositions. But in recent yesteryears only film songs and classical music are
sung.
At the end of the Nalangu, the husband is asked to hold the
coconut with one hand and the wife is asked to pry it out using both her hands.
Once she succeeds or accepts defeat, the wife holds the coconut with both hands
and the husband is asked to pry it using one hand. The relatives tease them a
lot.
36.Thozhi Pongal, Maravanai and Kattil (Loukika -special to
Kerala Iyers)
This ritual was in practice only among Kerala Iyers. On the
day of marriage in the evening the bride goes along with her maternal uncle to
the houses of friends of the wife and bid farewell to them. Depending on how
rich the family is the journey of Thozhi pongal was performed even on an
elephant. The family members of the friends receive the couple and bid them
farewell with Thamboola. The bride's uncle normally presents the sari that the
bride wears. Nowadays, a grand reception is arranged instead of the Thozhi
pongal.
Another grand function, which has disappeared, is the
Maravanai. This was a grand procession in which the bride and groom are taken
round the village. Some male relatives used to wear the make up of women and
some female relatives that of men and dance in front of the procession. Since
marriage of those days was conducted for 4 days, this was held on the third
day. With shrinking of the marriage ceremonies to a single day, this ritual
disappeared.
People of the olden days also tell of a function called
Kattil.The bride and the groom go to each and every house of the village. They
would be received with fanfare and made to sit on a cot. The lady of the house
used to give the bride and groom coconuts and Thamboola.
36. Journey towards the husband's house
According to Vedic rituals the husband and wife are supposed
to return to the husband's house the same day.(but nowadays they only go to the
quarters reserved for them)It was a custom for the bride's family to give
packed food for the groom's party during this occasion. (this packed lunch is
given nowadays in the next day morning)They used to go in back in a bullock
cart during the olden days. There are several prayers to be recited by the
groom during this occasion.
a. To lift the bullock cart
The mind, word and body hold the earth. The sun Gods hold
the sky. The Sun Gods live in fire sacrifice (yaga). The soma latha holds the
heaven. Like this I should be able to hold this cart safely.
b. To tie the bull to the cart
i. Men tie big horses or bulls in these carts, so that it
will have strength to run and cross things which are permanent. This would
continue till the time when the stars and sun shine in the sky.
ii. We will call Indra on every occasion when we are forced
to tie the horse or the bull, so that we complete our journey safely.
c. Prayer for the wife to occupy the cart
Hey lady, climb in to the cart which is made of soft wood
and in which leaves with out thorns are spread. This has also shine like gold
because of the decorations done for this occasion. It also has stable and good
wheels. Please carry with you all the wealth and articles (for making my life
pleasant) from your parent's house in this cart.
Hey Lady, you who climb in this glorious cart should drive
away all quarrelsome people and climb on my head.(i.e. you will become my
ruler).Like Virat , you should beget for me ten sons. You should become the
queen of your father in law, mother in law , sister in laws and brother in
laws.d. Prayer before starting the cart
I spread a blue and red string before this cart so that I
can escape all the bad things wished by others on me. I pray that if the
enemies of my paternal family hatch a conspiracy so that my new wife should not
get along well, that this should be defeated.
I pray that the thieves who are planning to steal the
material, which this girl brings from her house, should not succeed.
I have reached that path that does not have danger from
thieves and in this path I have my servants to help me.
e. Prayers while traveling in the cart
Let Aswini devas make the water available on my way healthy
and of good quality. Let them give me ten sons and wealth.
Let this boat made of wood take both of us safely to the other
shore. Let it also give luster to us and long life (if there is necessity to
cross a river)
There are similar prayers to cross a burial ground, forests
and rivers.
f. Prayer while showing his home to his wife
The husband should first take all the wealth and materials
brought by his wife inside his house and then tell her:-
Hey. Lady, this is my home and please see it well. Please
see all the material brought by you and which has been kept in this hose
without hatred and with peace.
Then he prays God Savitha that all the wealth that he has
brought should increase steadily.
37.Griha pravesam
The husband should enter the house first and spread the hide
of a bull in the central hall with the neck side pointing towards east. While
spreading he should pray:-
Let the pleasure-giving hide be properly spread. Hey God who
is the god of the new moon day, let this girl become fertile, let her live with
the blessings of God Bagha.
Then the wife steps with her right leg in to the house with
the following prayer:-
I who am capable of becoming mother to sons, am entering my
husband's house where his relatives, brothers and their children live and which
is protected by capable watch and ward, happily. I am reaching this house,
which has lot of cooked rice over which the ghee flows. After this the couple
perform the Pravesa Homa.
38.Pravesya Homa
Literally this means homa performed while entering the
groom's house. This is performed before lunch on the day of marriage itself
nowadays in the kalyana mantap.
This consists of 13 prayers after reciting each prayer ghee
is poured in to the homa fire .The fire is normally lit in the north eastern
corner of the house .The wife keeps touching the husband with a dhurbha grass
during the entire homa. The prayers are:-
1. My wife has reached my home from her home along with the
cows and horses received by her from her house. She should have a husband who
will live long, and she should become eligible to reach heaven by giving birth
to many sons, She should also become wealthy and daily pray this Oupasana
Agni.(fire maintained in every house hold throughout) .Hey Agni, please fulfill
all these and for that I am giving you this ghee.
2.I believe that in whichever house Oupasana agni is
maintained, there will be never any dearth. Bagha who looks after the house and
gives wealth and food to us should increase our wealth and give us children.
3.Hey Indra, Hey Agni, Hey Prajapathi, please see to it that
the children born to us do not die before us.
4.By the offering that I make you, oh, Agni, I should
steadily improve in life. Hey Indra, Hey Agni, please accept my offering and
make the life given by you to me, improve further.
5.This wife should get more and more happiness out of the
ghee, which has been taken out of the milk. Let the house and wealth of ours
improve further. Let us both not depend on anybody else for sustenance.
6.Oh couple (addressing themselves) you should always live
in this house. You should always be together. You should live for 116 years.
Indra should always be interested in looking after you both.
7.Oh wife , you who is going to be looked after me, should
be not worried and be attached to me .Brihaspathi has given you to me. So you
should beget children for me and live up to 100 years.
8.This wife was made by God Twashta.The same God made me her
husband., Hey wife, the reason of my becoming your husband was because of God
Twashta Let him give us both different types of wealth and give us long life.
9-13 These are same as the last four prayers of the pradhana
homam.
Then a prayer for increase of cattle wealth , begetting
valorous children and wealth which never diminishes is made and the homa comes
to an end.
39.Gandhrava Pooja
The wife was believed to be under the protection of a
Gandharva called Viswa Vasu .He is made to enter a decorated stick and Pooja is
performed to this stick.
40.Prayer for getting children
Then the couple are supposed to sit on the hide of the bull
and recite the following prayer: -
Hey, Cows, Increase in this house. Hey horses, increase in
this house. Hey Servants , increase in this house. Let this house get lot of
wealth so that we can perform charity.
Then a boy child of a lady who has only male children and
none of whose children had died is selected and asked to sit on the lap of the
wife with this prayer:-
By moon, the crops have grown and because of that the gods
have benefited. Because of moon the earth has become hard and the plants and
trees are able to stand on the earth because of this. Similar to this moon god
being among the bevy of stars, this child has been kept on your lap.
Then fruits should be given to the child with the following
prayer:- Hey fruits, you were the cause of increase of children. Like you are
fertile, this maid also should become fertile.
Hey wife, in this house, let you be happy because of
children. Let God grant you several children. You are the queen of this house.
Hold this post in a just manner. Please join your body with mine when we both
wish. Then when we become old , help me perform all religious sacrifices.
Hey elders bless this lady to have large number of children,
unlimited wealth and bless her to live with her husband till ripe old age..
41.Showing of Dhruva and Arundhathi
After the above rituals the husband and wife are supposed to
observe penance of silence till night when the stars come at night.
Then the pole star is pointed out to the wife and the
following prayer:-
Hey Dhruva, you are in an unchangeable place and are the
origin of all stars. You give stability to all other stars. Like the cattle
tied to a tree cannot roam round, the stars are tied to you. Kindly protect me
from my enemies.
(Normally no prayers are recited but the wife asks the
husband "Sir, Have you seen the Star Dhruva " in tamil.)
After this the husband points out the star Arundhathi that
is a part of the constellation of great bear. She was the wife of the sage
Vasishta. She has been cited as an epitome of wifely devotion. He then recites
the following prayer:-
When the great seven rishis made Arundhathi as the greatest
among the wives of the great sages, the other six sage wives acknowledged her
position. By seeing her , let my wife become the eighth one.
42.Post marriage rituals
These have long gone out of practice and many of them are
never carried out and hence only the rituals are described:-
Before retiring for the night together for the first time,
they have to pray the Oupasana Agni again. This is called Stalibhaga Then they
also perform a rite called Nandi Sraddha, which is the worship of their
ancestors Then the wife offers her husband Betel leaf and Areca nut to chew.
This is called Thamboola Charvanam,.
The husband and wife should sleep on the bare floor for the
next three days with the stick in which the gandhrawa Viswavasu is put . Then
on the second, third and fourth days the Gandhrva Viswavasu is woken up with a
prayer asking him to leave them and give the wife permanently to the husband is
made by the husband .He is requested to go to another girl who is in her
fathers house and not married. Then the husband again worships the fire (this
ritual is called Sesha Homa). He prays the fire God (agni) to remove from his
wife all those bad aspects in her, which lead to the destruction of her
husband, wealth and cattle. He also prays that she should not be attracted by
any other males. There are other general prayers to the Agni.
After the homa, with the remaining ghee he should rub the
chest of his wife and his own chest and pray Gods that they should be always
together. He prays "Let Viswa Devas makes our hearts closer. Let The God
of water make us close together. Let Vayu and Brahma make our hearts closer.
Let Goddess Saraswathi make both of us to speak with each other." He then
prays God Twashta and Lord Indira to occupy his body and make them parents of many
sons. He also prays God Prajapathi and Aryama to make them both live with love
till they are old. He finally prays Lord Surya to make his wife accept the seed
that he has to sow. (Vedic authorities steeped in Vedic ritual also say that
the groom has to another Homa Called Rithu Mathi Prayaschitta Kooshmanda
Homam.This is performed to get away from the sin of marrying a girl who has
attained puberty. But in the recent past this homa is not performed).Phala
Dhanam at the groom's house , similar to the one at the brides house , used to
take place in earlier days.
The sumangalis in the house again apply the nalangu on both
of them and lead them to their nuptial chamber.. The room is decorated with
flowers and lot of fruits is also kept there. A lamp and a matchbox and a God's
picture are also kept in the room. The Sumangalis spread a mat on the bed in
the nuptial chamber.
The bride once she enters the room is supposed to light the
lamp and pray for a happy life. The elderly married female relatives used to
gather outside the nuptial room and sing bawdy uninhibited songs for some time.
This was again to make the bride understand the facts of life.
.
There are also prayers to be chanted in the nuptial room,
when the husband and wife are alone. He tells her that she should embrace him
and derive happiness because of it. Then he prays for virility for himself for
a long time and capacity for himself to produce several children. He tells her
that similar to the fashion of making fire on a stick by rotating a stick on it
he would be making lots of sons in her. He prays that all their children should
be long lived. He also compares her to earth which has fire in the middle and
receives the rain from the sky to produce the plants. (she should receive the
seeds from him similarly) .He also tells her that they should worship gods
daily and get good children.
Thus comes to an end the iyer marriage ritual.
Some special songs sung during marriage ceremony.
As mentioned in various places the ladies attending the
marriage used to sing several songs on different occasions , while the marriage
rituals are performed . Unfortunately many of these songs are no more available
or known to our elders. (Film songs or classical music has nowadays replaced
these). A few of the songs are given below: -
A. Song sung during exchange of garlands:
Malai Chatthinal, Kothai , Malai Matthinal,
Maladainthu Mashila Rangan
Malayavar than marbile, maiyal aai,
Thaiyalal Malarkarathinal Poo (Malai...)
Rangarajanai, Anbar - thangal nesanai,
Asi koori, bhoosurargal -pesi miga vazhthida,
Anbudan- Inbamai,
Andal karathinal Poo (Malai...)
(Translated in to free English verse)
Flower garland put on his neck, Kothai
Flower garland exchanged from him, Kothai
On him who is lord Vishnu,
On him who is the spotless Ranga,
The winsome lady,
With her flower like hands,
With love filling her heart, (Flower...)
When the friends and priests,
Praised and blessed him who is God,
With love and with joy,
With her holy hands (Flower...)
B. Songs sung during Unchal and Pacha Podi
1.Kannunjal Adinal
Kannunjal Adinal Kanchana Malai
Mana magizhndal.
Ponnunjal mel poorithu,
Bhooshangal Darithu,
Iswaranaridathil, Adi Asayum ,
Romba Vaithal (Kannunjal...)
Uttami Pettha Kumari,
Nithya sarvalangari.
Bhakthargal papa samhari,
Padma mugha oyyari (Kannunjal...)
Asaindhu Sangiliyada,
Usandu Urvashi pada,
Isaindhu Thalangal poda,
Meenakshi Priyal Kondada (Kannunjal...)
(Translated in to free English verse)
Swung she, our Garland of Gold,
For the first time,
In the golden swing,
And happy she became.
Ecstasic In the golden Swing,
And in love with the Lord of all (Swung she...)
Daughter of great ma,
Gaily made up to the toe,
Remover of sins of devotees,
The lotus girl who is haughty (Swung she...)
With her movements pretty,
Swung the chains hither and thither,
From the sky sang the great Urvashi,
And all people around kept the beats,
With Our darling Meenakshi 's praise (Swung she...)
2.Laali
Palale Kalalambi,Pattale Thudaithu,
Muthana pengal ellam, Muvarumai Chutta Lali
Mani vilakkai kayyil endi - Valaya Vandu Chuttha Lali
Deva Thanthi than Muzhanga- Devargal Pugazha,
Pathinettu Vadhiyamum - Pugazh Divya Muzhanga Lali
(Translated in to free English verse)
Washing his feet with milk divine,
Drying his feet with the softest silk,
Three pearl like women go round and round Laali
One lady great,
Carrying the holy waters of Ganges ,
The goddess of women carrying,
A lustrous lamp divine,
They go round and round Laali
Music pretty from strings of God,
With Gods blessing from the sky,
Eighteen accompaniments,
Singing their praise, Laali
C: Songs sung During Nalangu
1.Invitation to Nalangu by bride
a. Vaarum, Vaarum Nalangida, Sri Vamana Avaatharare,
Theerum, Theerum, En Kavalai ,Theertha Ramachandrare,
Azhi Pettha Kayyile- Kanayazhi Modiram Minnave,
Thozhimarudan Koodi- thottathil Vilayadave (Varum...)
Atchudanada Moorthiye- Pachai Kavacham Podave.
Atchutarum Lakshmiyum, Ichai udane Koodiye (Varum...)
Please come, please come for putting Nalangu,
He who was born as Vamana,
Put an end, put an end,
To all my worries, Hey Ramachandra.
In the hand that was born to the sea,
The Lustrous ring sparkling bright,
Please come to make merry,
In the garden beautiful,
With my lovely friends all around (Please come...)
Hey God who is Atchutha,
For wearing the shirt of green,
Come with Lakshmi and Achutha,
With lovelorn face, (Please come...)
b. Varum Nalangida Varum,
Tharum Pathaathai,
Vandennai Aat Kollum,
Vasudeva maindare.
Thandai Chilambu Kalal- Tavazhndu Vilayadi
Thappamal Jala Kreedai -Adiya Paadam (Varum Nalangida..)
Gokulam Thannil Gopa Streeguladane,
Koodi Vilayadi - Kondadiya Padam (Varum Nalangida...)
(Translated in to free English verse)
Welcome to you sir, welcome,
Extend your feet
For putting the Nalangu,
Come and conquer me,
Oh, Son of Vasudeva.
With the feet wearing jingling anklets,
Playing lying down in the floor,
The feet that played with love,
Inside the water,
The feet which danced with love (Welcome..)
In the hoary Gokula,
With winsome Gopis,
Played this feet with love,
And became ecstasic (Welcome...)
2.songs sung during nalangu ceremony
a. Nalangidugiral Meena Lochani,
Nadarudan Vandu Kooda,
Naradarum Nalla Ganangalai Pada,
Nana Vida Taalam Poda,
Nalangidugiral Meena Lochani.
Neela Varna
Nithyanandarai Kurithu,
Poorithu, Bhoopathi Padathile Ittal,
Pushpa Haram Marbil Pottal. (Nalangidugiral...)
Swarna Panneer Chombai-Jothi eduthal,
Sundareswarar Mel Thelithal,
Vasanai Kalanda Parimalam Poosinal,
Vanangi Chamaram Veesinal (Nalangidugiral...)
Vistharamai Neenda Nettiyai Thottal,
Kasthuri Thilagangal Ittal,
Malligaiyai Chelli Kai Ale Thelithal,
Maha devar Veniyile Mudithal (Nalangidugiral...)
Thanga Thambalam Thaga Thaga endru Eduthal,
Thamboolangaludan Koduthal,
Munnale Nandraga Pathiyam Padithal,
Meenakshi Priyal Manasai Sada Pidithal (Nalangidugiral...)
(Translated in to free English verse)
Our girl Meenalochani,
Is Putting Nalangu.
When she came with her husband,
Narada sang beautiful songs,
And all kept different beats.
Taking the blue coloured divine turmeric,
Thinking of him who is happy for ever,
With happiness filling her mind,
She put Nalangu on the feet of her king. (Our girl
Meenalochani...)
Golden pitcher with scented water she took,
And sprinkled on the God of beauty
And applied she scented balms,
And also fanned him with peacock feathers (Our Girl
Meenalochani...)
She caressed his wide long forehead,
And applied round dot with musk divine,
And took jasmine flowers in a lot,
And put it in his made up hair. (Our girl Meenalochani...)
She took a glittering gold plate ,
And gave him with Thamboola,
And also sang nice Pathiyams,
And thus our darling Meenakshi caught hold of his mind.
(Our girl Meenalochani...)
b. Groom singing to the bride
Varai, Rukmani Devi, Nerai En Mugathai Parai,
Nalangida Pathathai Tharai. Magizhvaga (Varai...)
Vanchanai Cheydha, Pey Uyir Thuncha Vendra Mayan,
Kanchala nethran Kaiyal -Manjal Poosigiren. (Varai...)
Mandra giriyai Sumandirarukku amritham,
Vindai ayi eenda kaiyale, Chandanam Poosigeren (Varai...)
Vala Karathil Azhi dharithirukkum Vasudevan,
Thilaga pottidugiren Thiru nettiyil nerai (Varai...)
Theembu cheyda Kaliya paambil meedil nadithon,
Aambal malar vayan kaiyal Thamboolam tharugiren (Varai...)
(Translated in to free English verse)
Come my Rugmani, See my face straight,
Extend your feet for putting Nalangu,
With all the happiness in the world.
He who has not deceived any one,
He who has killed all the bad devils galore,
He who has beautiful black eyes,
Am applying turmeric paste on you, oh dear (Come my...)
He who took the Mandara
Mountain
With his hand , in times of yore,
Applies with his magical hands Sandal on you , oh dear (Come
my...)
Me the great Vasudeva,
Who wears the ocean in his right hand,
Am putting thilaka ,
On your forehead straight, Oh dear (Come my...)
He who danced on the head,
Of the evil Serpent Kaliya,
Am giving you with my lotus hand,
Thamboola to you, Oh dear. (Come my...)
c. Pathiyam (sung by the bride)
En Prana Rajare, Eerezhu Loka Vasare,
Manayvi Nan Chollu Mozhiyai
Magizhndu Kelum
Pathiye Deiyvam Endru enni Bhakthiyal Poojai Panni,
Nithiyamum Nan Ummai sevikka Venum
Kodi Manmada Roopa , Koodi Ennalana Mattum,
Nadiye Panividai Nan
Nadathugiren
Adile Apacharam Ayiram Nan
Cheydalum,
Upacharamagave Grahithu
Kuttangal Ethanai Nan
Cheyda Podum,
Chittathil Vaikamal Kshamithu Parum,
Prana Saga Pol Ennai Anaithu alum.
(Translated in to free English verse)
The King of my soul, my darling,
He who lives in all the seven worlds,
Hear with attention and be happy forever,
These words told by me, your wife, darling.
I should always darling,
Think of you as my only God,
And be of service to you, darling,
Always and always.
Darling mine who is like thousand cupids,
I will try always in the best possible way, darling,
To do all your work , my darling.
In that even if I, my darling,
Make one thousand mistakes,
You should take them as proper love, my darling.
Oh my darling, treat me as thine,
Dear bosom friend,
And embrace and pardon all the mistakes, I do.
d. Pathiyam (sung by the bride)
Soma Suryavanni nayanasu sareeramellam,
Chornthirukka Vendiya Karanangal enna.
Surukkai inda sangadiyai, surukkai en karanam ketka,
Kapadamillamale, Urayum Nanna
Mohiniyai Kandu Bhogikka Asai kondu.
Hariyidathil Apamana patta manna-
Mosam Cheythu munivar pathinigalai thodarnthu,
Padivritha bhangam Cheytha Prabhu Neeranna
Vervayal Annai Thantha Salvai Nananchu Poche,
Visala lalada basmam azhiyalache,
Nalu Nariyargal Arindal enakku eche,
(Translated in to free English verse)
Oh Darling mine,
Why should you look so worn.
Please darling mine,
Tell all the reasons for this first.
Did you follow Mohini ,
And got insulted by Hari, Oh darling mine.
Did you deceive the sages fine,
And followed their wives dear,
And insulted them, oh darling mine
Oh darling mine,
Why is the shirt,
Given by your mummy, so wet,
And oh why, your forehead broad,
Is full of water darling mine.
When four ladies know,
About thee , darling mine,
They will abuse me, darling mine.
What penance did I , darling mine,
To get an husband like you , darling mine.
e. Pathiyam (sung by the groom or groom's party)
Kanaka Oyyari , nee Kamalavadani-
Minnal Oli Pondra Nee, Vinnor Paniyum nee,
Vilangave Ulagathil Vandavalum nee,
Swarna Prathamai nee, Jyothi Maya Roopini,
Prasanna Vadivum nee, Por Kodiyum nee,
Kannal Karubum nee, Karkandu Rasamum nee,
Unnadamana Thoru Utta then nee,
Chennal Vilaynthidum, Suka vasi niye,
Singamanador, Vachani neeye,
Karunai Kadal Pondra Gunamum Neeye,
Kalyana Guna Seela Vadani Varai.
(Translated in to free English verse)
Darling, Oh Darling,
Rukhmani, oh my darling,
Ornament mine, Golden girl mine,
You are lotus faced, Oh my darling.
You are like the streak of lightning, Darling,
You were the darling in heaven too,
Ere you came to light , this world, oh darling.
You are a doll of gold, oh darling,
You are made of light, oh darling,
You are a pleasant faced one, oh darling,
You are a golden tendril, oh darling.
You are the sweetest cane, oh darling,
You are the juice of sugar , oh darling,
You are the sweetest of honey, oh darling.
You are the pleasure house, oh darling,
You are lion like brave, oh darling,
You are the ocean of mercy, oh darling
You are a pleasant faced one, oh darling.
f. Pathiyam (sung by the groom or groom's party)
Sandegam, kollade, endan mel-
Sathiyamai Cholgiren , idai kelai.
Chandira Bimba Mandahasi undan-
Chengaram chindai magizhndu piditha nalai-
Soppanathil Analum e prapancha madargalai-
Sugithu Nan Anaithahthillai, en tholal
Surasenan sudani Petta en sugumariye,
Suthu endru Ariyadennai Sugithu Alai
Bana Bhadran Sathruvai Jeyikka ponen-
Komalakara Kuyile, endan kudumba mane,
Kopam Kollamal ennai Koodadi En thene.
(Translated in to free English verse)
My heart of hearts,
Don't doubt me for a minute please,
I will tell you, all the truth,
Please hear this, oh darling mine.
My heart of hearts,
From the day , I held your hands,
Oh darling with a moon faced smile,
Even in dream , oh darling mine,
I have never held in my pleasing hands,
No lady of earth except thee. Oh darling mine
The daughter of son of Surasena,
I am innocent and plain, darling mine,
Hold me with you darling mine.
Carrying all thine doubts, darling mine,
I went to fight enemies of Bana Bhadra,
Hey, beautiful nightingale mine,
Hey, gazelle of family mine,
Leave this anger and become one with me, darling mine
g. Song teasing groom's mother
Engal Sambandi,
Sappidave Mattal.
Vegu Sangojakkari
Idliyile 200,
Thayir Vadayile 500,
Puliyodarayum,
Venpongalum,
Kai Murukkum Boondhi Laddum,
Then kuzhalum,
Vida Vidamaga ,
Oru Kai Parapal (Engal Sambandhi...)
Amerikka Badam,
Irakkin Pistaa,
Kumkuma poo potta,
Karkandu Palai,
Kudam Kudamaga ,
Kudithe Theerpal (Engal sambandhi...)
(Translated in to free English verse)
Our daughter's mother in law,
Never takes food, never-
If it is Idlis , she takes but 200,
If it is Thair Vadai she taskes only 500,
She also takes ,
Varieties and Varieties ,
Of Puliyodarai, Ven Pongal,
Kai Murukku, Boondhi , laddu,
And then kuzhal lots and lot ,
But... (Our daughter's mother...)
She only drinks , poor lady pots and pots of milk,
If mixed niced with crystal sugar,
American Badam,
Dates from Arabia ,
Pista from Iraq
Akroot from Kashmir ,
And ofcourse lot of saffron,
But... (our daughter's mother in law...)
Some legal clarifications of a Hindu marriage
Q: What are the prohibited degrees in a Hindu marriage?
The following would come within prohibited degrees of
relationship with regard to Hindus:
a. If one party to the marriage is a lineal ascendant of the
other;
b. If one of the parties to the marriage is the wife or husband
of a lineal ascendant or descendant;
c. Marriage between a man and his brother's wife or uncle's
wife or his grandfather's or grandmothers' brother's wife;
d. Marriage between:
i. brother and sister;
ii. uncle and niece;
iii. aunt and nephew;
iv. children of brother and sister;
v. children of sisters;
vi. children of brothers.
However the Hindu Marriage Act recognizes the marriages
mentioned above if the custom or usage applicable to the parties to the
marriage permits such marriages. Only if their custom or usage does not permit
such marriages would the parties be held to be within prohibited degrees of
relationship. Custom that allows such marriages should be ancient, certain and
reasonable and should not be opposed to public policy, decency or morality
Q: What ceremonies should be observed to solemnize a Hindu
Marriage?
Hindu marriage can be solemnised according to the customary
rites and ceremonies of either the bride or the bridegroom. Customary rites and
ceremonies mean religious rites traditionally performed by the caste or
community to which the bride or bridegroom belong. It should be shown that such
custom has been followed definitely from ancient times and the members of the
caste, community or sub-caste had recognized such ceremonies as obligatory.
Rites and ceremonies consistently followed for more than 25 years within a
particular community and had been uniformly observed and not discontinued at
any point of time would be said to be customary rites and ceremonies for the
solemnization of a valid legal marriage. According to the Arya Samaj rites, the
invocation before the sacred fire and the sapthapadi are essential ceremonies.
Q: What is sapthapadi?
Sapthapadi symbolizes those aspects of life, which the
parties to a marriage undertake to share in togetherness. The seven steps taken
stand for the vows they make before the almighty. It is only on taking the
seventh step that the marriage would be said to be solemnized
Q: Is sapthapadi, i.e., the custom of the bride and
bridegroom taking seven steps, an essential part of a Hindu Marriage?
If the customary rites and ceremonies traditionally
performed by the caste or community, to which the bride or the bridegroom
belong, do not include 'sapthapadi gaman', it would not be an essential part of
the marriage. If it is proved that 'sapthapadi', is not a part of the ceremony
it need not be performed. Otherwise 'sapthapadi' remains an essential ceremony
in a Hindu marriage.
Q: Would a marriage be valid on the observance only of
sapthapadi?
Where 'sapthapadi' and invocation before the fire is
observed, without observing the customary ceremonies, which are neither ancient
and definite nor obligatory and unalterable, such marriage would still be
valid.
Making arrangements for the marriage by the bride's parents
-Some points.
The iyer marriages (98%) of the rites and rituals are
arranged by the bride's father. Since this is a complex duty , some of the
arrangements , which he should not loose sight of are mentioned here:-
1.Preliminary Discussion with the Bridegrooms parents.
The brides father should discuss the following points with
the grooms father preferably after the Nischayathartham performed in the
groom's house: -
a. Suitable and convenient date for the marriage (He should
also take in to consideration the convenience of the bride and her mother)
b. Dowry, ornaments, vessels and other items expected by the
grooms family.
c.The amount of money needed to be paid for the suit to be
worn by the groom during reception.
d.Ring size of the groom .
e.Slipper size of the groom.
f.Design of the Thali (What pattern has to be inscribed on
it)
g. Approximate number of guests accompanying the groom.
h. The Cheer .This should include the number of large
Murukkus (With Vari number), muthuswaram, Laddu, Neyyappam or Adhirasam,
Mysorepak and quantity of Thirattupal. Also the number of packets of Small
murukku and two sweets each packed separately in cover .(this is for
distribution of the groom's party to their relatives and friends. Any special demand
by the groom's party should be noted.
i. Find out whether they would bring their own Vadhyar and
if not whether it is necessary to arrange a separate Vadhyar for them locally.
j.Request them to inform their travel plan sufficiently
early.
k.Exact name of the grooms father , mother and groom for
printing the marriage invitation by the brides family. Care should be taken to
print the name of the groom and bride as they appear in their passport , if
they are going abroad after the marriage.
l.Find out the addresses of their close relatives to whom
invitation letters have to be posted by the bride's father.
m.The number of copy of the full set of Albums and Video
cassettes required by them.If the groom lives abroad find out whether , it has
to be in what mode and whether they require it in a CD.
n.Find out whether they require any hotel rooms to be booked
for the groom's friends and other VIPs.
2.Fixing up of a hall.
This is possibly one of the very important aspects of the
work to be done. Most of the good halls are booked very early. If necessary
help of few friends who have their own vehicles can be requested. The major
consideration is the number of guests expected to attend the function, the
timing of the Vritham, Nischayathartham, Marriage reception and the travel
programme of the groom's family. Since most of the Groom's relatives and
friends are new to the place where marriage is conducted, sufficient
accommodation should be available in the Hal. If it is not available alternate
accommodation has to be searched. Once the hall is located and available on the
day of the marriage, it should be booked for a minimum of two days. It is
important to find out from the manager of the hall
a.Number of Chairs available in the hall
b.The number of chairs available in the dining hall
c.The number of rooms available (whether all of them have
attached bath rooms and if not the number of common bath rooms),Personally
inspect how neat they are. Also find out whether hot water facility for bath is
available.
d.Whether they will provide the vessels and stow with the
hall free?
e.Whether there is a generator in the hall?
f.Whether there is provision for extra decoration with them?
g. Whether they have a swing for the Oonchal ceremony?
h.Whether they have Homa Kunda for performing homa.
i.The number of servants who are available with the hall and
their remuneration.
j.The number of cars that can be parked inside the compound.
k.At what time the hall will be handed over to them and when
it has to be handed back.
Before leaving find out the correct name , address,
telephone number, telegram address if any of the hall and also the transport
facility to the hall from different parts of the town. Make a list of bus
numbers passing near by.
3.Fixing the Marriage contractor.
Nowadays it has become a practice to fix up the cook cum
contractor to help us conduct the marriage. He normally takes care of the food
aspect of the marriage function .He also supplies the Cheer to be given, fixes
the Nadaswaram, supplies all the traditional necessities of the marriages
during the marriage including flowers. Once a good contractor who is not too
busy on the day of marriage is located, you have to inform him:-
1.The menu for breakfast, lunch, tiffin time and dinner for
the two days of the marriage and approximate number of expected guests during
each time. Normally one of these times the marriage reception will be held.
Detailed menu for the reception also should be told to him.
2.He should be told about the cheer items to be supplied to
the Sambandi as well as the requirements for the bride's family.
3.He should be told about the number of Kuttis which he has
to supply along with specification of the filling like cashew nut, boondhi,
paruppu thengai etc.
He would normally take charge of the following items:-
1.Mangala Vadhyam
2.Flowers , garlands as required
3.Materials required by the priests
4.Thamboolam packets for the guests attending the marriage
5.Coconuts for Sambandhi
6.Putting of Kolams as and when required
7.Materials for Arathi , Pachaipudi
Some of them will also arrange
1.Photographer and video coverage
2.Decoration of the hall
It is essential at this stage to make extensive consultation
with friends or relatives who have already arranged marriages so that the
contract money be fixed at reasonable limits.
4.Fixing the priest to conduct the marriage.
If the marriage is being arranged in our normal place of
residence, the priest would necessarily be our family priest. If not through
known people we have to fix the priest. He would be the best person to fix up
the muhurtham lagnam for the marriage. The contract rate for him to conduct the
marriage (bride's party) should be also settled at that time. If the groom's
party wanted us to arrange a priest for them , the same priest could be told about
that also.
5.Printing of marriage invitations
It is essential to know about the name of the groom and his
parents clearly before this is attempted. The groom should be asked whether he
wants his qualification and designation should be put in the invitation .It is
extremely important to spell the name of the groom and bride as it appears in
the passport, if they are intending to get visa to a foreign country. Any good
printing house will have several models and a suitable invitation could be
chosen. Some families believe in printing a traditional invitation in Tamil
apart from the regular invitations. If this is necessary , arrangements should
be made for that also.
If it is proposed to have a music concert during the
reception, the artist concerned should be contacted and fixed before printing
the invitation.
5.(a)Purchase of silk saris for the bride and others
This is a very important purchase. It is necessary to decide
where these are to be taken. Apart from the 9 yards Koorai Pudavai , a minimum
of 4 saris for the following occasions have to be taken:-
1.Nischayathartham
2. Kannoonchal
3. Shanthi Muhurtham
4. Thozhi Pongal
It is also customary to buy a silk sari for the mother of
the bride, brides sisters, her brother's wives,Mami and Athai. Also a sambandi
Pudavai for the groom's mother has to be purchased. Little girl children of the
family also get Pattu Pavadai. In view of the economy, it is preferable to
purchase all these at this time.
5(b) Purchase of Veshti and Uttariyam for the groom and Materials
for Kasi Yatrai
The groom has to be given a Pattu Veshti and
Uttariyam.Vratha Pattu) .Besides
Two grand Veshtis with lot of zari border (cotton) has to be
purchased for him to wear during Kasi Yatrai.One more extra set of Veshti has
to be presented to him .
For Kasi yatrai , it is necessary to purchase an umbrella, a
walking stick, a hand held fan, a holy book and slippers.
6.Making of the thali
It is a custom to give order for this on a shubha muhurtham
day. In olden times the gold smiths used to come to the bride's house and start
melting the gold during a muhurtham.Apart from the two thalis the other
paraphernalia like Gold Kundoos also should be made.
7.Ordering for jewels
Most of the families do have all the necessary jewels for
the bride .It may be necessary to give them a special polish. It may also be
necessary to make a few more ornaments for the bride based on modern fashion.
Since most of the girls transfer the thali from the yellow Kayiru to a Kodi
after the marriage, it is necessary to make one such kodi, with a provision for
putting the thalis in that.
It is necessary at this time to order for a ring to the
groom. Most families also put a gold chain to him during the Nischayathartham.
It is also necessary to have a pair of Pudupanam for the
Dharma Virtual function. If not available two small gold coins of the least
weight possible can be got made.
8.Silver vessels
Most of the groom's parents expect a few silver vessels.The
most essential are panchapathram and Uddarani for the groom, silver lamp(some
families insist on a pair of lamps) and silver Kukuma Chimizh. It is also
essential to purchase two silver cups called Madhuparka Kinnam.
In addition a silver plate for taking meals for the bride
and the groom is also is usually given. Two small silver cups for receiving and
drinking Palum Pazhamam would avoid lot of problem when this ceremony is going
on.
9.Brass vessels
For the Oonchal, it is necessary to buy two lamps, two
thambalams and two Chombus made of brass.
10.Purchasing of mats.
It is a custom to inscribe the names of the bride and groom
on the mat given during the marriage. If this is decided upon , then it is
necessary to get them made. This is available only in few centers of Kerala and
Tamil Nadu. But if ordinary mats only are to be given, these are readily
available.
11.Posting of Invitations
This is a very time consuming job. Close relatives expect a
personal letter along with the invitation. Nowadays it is got separately
printed. It is better to consult as many relatives and friends as possible so
that no important person is missed from the list of invitees.
It is also necessary to identify the persons to whom the
special invitations printed in tamil has to be sent.
A personal hand written letter has to accompany the invitations
being send to very senior elders of the family.
It is a custom to personally go to the Groom's parents house
along with Coconut, Thamboola , flowers etc and inform them of the marriage. If
any brides relations stay near the place of the groom they can do it on behalf
of the bride's parents.
If there are any near relatives of the groom staying in the
same town as the bride's parents, they also should be invited personally with
coconut, thamboola and flowers.
12.Arrangement for a photo and videographer
It is necessary to get a professional who has covered iyer
marriages before. Unless this is done, it would be necessary to put along with
him somebody who is conversant with the marriage function, so that the function
is covered nicely. It is necessary at this stage to tell the photographer the
number of rolls that he has to expose. Taking a picture does not mean it has to
be printed. A professional can give only few best photos of each occasion. The
videographer has to be told , the number of copies that he has to make. If it
has to be copied in a CD, this again has to be told to him.
13.Arrangement of Transport.
Though a transport contractor has to picked up based on the
charges as well as the number of good vehicles he has, the micro arrangements
have to be made only a day before the marriage. If the grooms party is arriving
together, it may be necessary to hire a van. If not a two or three cars will
suffice. But it is important to note that adequate arrangements should be made
to give transport to the groom's pary. It would be better to give them control
of the vehicle , so that they can use it as and when they like.
14.Inviting local guests
This is another aspect of the marriage which is very
strenuous and needs lot of planning. Initially a list of people should be made
and then each and every one of the house should be asked to go through it.
Later a detailed plan as well as a time table should be drawn up. If older
relatives like brothers or sisters or sons and daughters who are married live
with you or in the same town, they can be asked to share this onerous work.
They can invite on behalf of you. Nowadays, more and more use of the telephone
is being made. The invitations can be posted as usual and can be followed up by
a telephone conversations.
15.Purchase of presents to near relatives and honoured
guests.
This is another item that needs detailed planning. Normally
the elder and old enough younger sisters of the bride, her sister in laws are
presented with a silk sari for the marriage. The budget depends on our capacity
to spend. Similarly it is also a custom to present saris to the paternal and
maternal aunts. It is also necessary to purchase suitable presents to the
cousins of the bride. Sometimes cash present is made to them, so that they can
choose their own presents. It has also become customary to give token presents
to all women guests during the marriage. But all these need to be discussed
among the nearest family members and decision taken based on our capacity to
spend.
It is also a custom to present very close male relatives
with Veshti and Uttariyam.The requirement should be estimated and sufficient
quantity purchased.
16.Contacting the Grooms party and finding out their travel
plans.
Since the groom's party normally comes from some other
place, it is necessary to receive as many of them as possible and provide them
transport to the hall. So a very clear timetable of their arrival should be
drawn up. It would also be necessary to ask them whether they need any
arrangements made for their return reservations.
17.Sumangali Prarthanai
This is normally observed before the marriage. Arrangements
of the function and its conduct vary from family to family. This should be
conducted according to the family traditions. But normally a 9 yards sari is
taken and presented to one of the sumangalis and one Pavadai is presented to a
the girl invitee.
18.Arranging for a beautician
Most of the brides want to be made up by a talented
beautician of their choice for the reception. If this is so, her time should be
booked. If the beautician can come and do her job at the hall itself. There is
nothing better. Before this the brides do decorate their hands with Mehandhi
(marudhani) .If there is no expert in the family circles, arrangements for this
also needs to be made.
19.Two days before the marriage.
Close relatives would start arriving from various
destinations to the marriage. It is necessary to accommodate them properly and
look after them. Since most of them are closely related it is hoped they would
not mind some slight discomforts. It is better to employ a cook to take care of
the cooking in the house on this day, so that the bride's parents are available
to look after last minute final details and also to look after several guests.
If closely related relatives come forward, they can be entrusted with different
aspects of the marriage like transport, looking after Sambandi, etc.
It is essential to procure sufficient number of locks and
duplicate keys to the different rooms in the hall. Since the grooms party are
to be properly looked after, it is better to keep a few pieces of toilet soaps,
combs, mirrors, tooth brushes, paste, kumkum tins, Vibhuthi, use and throw
shaving sticks etc. this is to help those people who forget these things while
coming to the marriage. If the hall does not provide beds, bedspreads, pillows
etc, arrangements should be made to hire these also. A very detailed plan of
the programme for the next two days should be drawn up and individual
responsibilities assigned. Also all things to be taken to the hall are to be
packed properly.
If the vritham is the next day morning, the toilet items
purchased for the groom along with oil , Payaru, Vellam and sweet should reach
the grooms party early in the morning and is traditionally given by the aunt of
the bride. Nowadays it is a custom to give a full toilet set to the groom
during this occasion. This should consist of toothbrush, toothpaste, Shaving
set, mirror, toilet powder, hair oil and comb.
This is also the time for the lady of the house to plan as
to the responsibilities like palikai, oonchal, arathi etc to the different
female relatives.
20.One day before the marriage
This day could be extremely busy, if the vritham is on this
day morning and the repetition is being held in the evening. If these are not
there the day would not be hat tight.
The most important activity is to receive the groom's party
in a proper way. As soon as they get down from the car, the groom's parents are
to be honourably received with Thirattu pal, thamboolam, coconut etc along with
mangala vadhyam. The groom should be garlanded during the occasion by the
bride's father or her brother. Also Arathi should be arranged to prevent evil
eyes. Then they should be lead to their quarters and made comfortable. If there
is Vritham, they should be called to that function in a traditional manner with
coconuts and paruppu thengai kutti. It is normal t observe the Kappu Kattal to
the bride simultaneously. If this is only next day, then arrangements should be
made for their breakfast and then lunch.
Normally the first function is Mappilai Azhaippu and
Nischayathartham. A decorated car has to be got ready for the Mappilai
Azaippu.Normally this is not included in the contractors duties. A near by
temple also has to be identified and the priest of the temple informed in
advance for the Pooja.It is important to see that the VIPs of the grooms side
are escorted to this function in a proper way. Old people have to be provided
transport.
If the reception is held after the Nischayathartham , then
the beautician should be forewarned about the timings, Either she should be
brought to the hall or the bride taken to her place in time.
The guests for the reception should be received at the
entrance by a very small group consisting of members from both bride's and
groom's side. Teen age or younger girls belonging to both families do mostly
this. Both families should assign some one elder to recognize the VIPs arriving
to the function. It is necessary to introduce the bride's family guests to the
groom and very important ones to his parents. For this purpose the bride's
parents should always be near the stage. It is better to entrust other
important responsibility like accompanying the guests to the dinner etc to
other relatives and friends. Most of these guests will not be coming for the
marriage. So it is essential that the Thamboola packets be distributed to them
while they are leaving.
If the Vritham has not taken place that day, it is essential
to see that the materials for Vritham to the groom reaches them before they
retire.
21.The day of the marriage.
Most of the functions on this day would go like clock work ,
thanks to the experienced contractors and priests. But it is essential that all
guests are received properly and given break fast if they come early. It is
also essential to enquire from the groom's side as to any problem they face and
solve it. The bride's parents would be extremely tied up with the ceremonies
for most of the forenoon (till Mangalya Dharanam) .So it is essential to identify
capable people and delegate responsibilities to them. The bride's mother has to
decide as to who will participate in the Oonchal and Paligai from her side. She
should ask the groom's mother to nominate 2 members from her side who will
participate in the paligai from her side. She should also think in advance the
people from her side who will participate in the paligai in the goom's side.It
is also essential that she decides in advance about her relatives who will
participate in the alathi in different occasions. She should also keep an
experienced lady relative in tying 9 yards sari to the bride. She should also
delegate the responsibility of giving presents to her friends after the end of
the function to her friends and relatives.
Early morning the veshtis and Uttariyams purchased should be
distributed to the male relatives, Similarly the saris purchased also needs to
be distributed. This is either done in an informal way by simply handing it
over to them or ask the eldest member of the brides relatives to hand it over
individually in a formal function. One male relative should be entrusted with
expenditure and receipt of money. As and when sudden demands are there for
cash, he should be in a position to meet it. He also should receive all cash
presents and neatly account it. He would hand over to the priest the cash
presents to the sister of the groom who ties the second and third knots of the
thali .This is normally the same amount as the groom's party gives to the
brother of the bride after laja homam. Other expected expenditures are
Sambhavana for the Mutts and various small amounts of dakshinas as directed by
the priest.
All the preliminary purchases made for various functions
should be available in the hall. It is essential to see that the coconuts ,
thamboola bags and cheer items to the groom's party handed over to their
representative in time.
Immediately after the marriage the groom and bride are taken
to the groom's quarters and brides house for giving them Palum Pazhamum.
Somebody should be deputed to go to the house slightly early and make it
presentable to receive the guests. After that the registration of the marriage
should be done. This can be done easily , if preliminary arrangements are made
for the same. If by chance the groom and bride are little delayed, their lunch
with the important members of both families should be retained. This is
important because sometimes , if much larger number of guests come, the
material cooked would not be sufficient.
Most of the guests would like to meet the brides parents
before they go. If palaharams and presents are to be distributed to them,
arrangements should be made for the same.
If there is Nalangu this should be arranged in the after
noon. Though most of the brides party would be dead tired before evening, it is
necessary to treat the groom and his guests in a befitting manner. They should
be provided transport to the bus stand or railway station as and when they want
it.
While all this is going on arrangements should be given a
final shape to the nuptials. According to sastras it should be held in the boys
house but now it is a custom to hold it on the day of marriage. It can either
be held in brides home or in a convenient hotel. But it is essential that the
views of the bridegroom and his parents be ascertained before arranging it in a
hotel. Somebody should be put in charge of decorating the room and taking there
essentials like a lamp, milk to drink, flowers, fruits etc.
If bulk of the groom's guests depart on the same evening, it
would be necessary to give them food packets for the way. The marriage
contractor normally supplies this. It is a custom to supply Kattu Chadam to the
departing guests of the groom's party.
Normally there is a feast for dinner on that day. But some
people prefer simple meals. The wishes of the groom's party should be
ascertained regarding this.
A few of the people accompanying the groom normally stay
over to the next day. They should be well taken care of. If the Mantap has to
be vacated, then they should be provided alternative accommodation.
On the next day tall the groom's party would depart. It is
essential to give them Kattuchadam and also provide them transport.
It is also essential that some elder relatives accompany the
bride and groom when they depart to their house. Arrangements for their
reservation (if they are going by train) should be done well in advance.
In some cases the father in law (bride's father) foots the
bill for the Honeymoon of the couple. Again early arrangements for journey and
stay has to be made .
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